Daily Dose of Zen

 
I ran across these the other day....they are old, but then so am I, and I'm still funny...  So here goes:

1.    It's always darkest before dawn.  So if you're going to steal your neighbors paper, that's the time to do it.

2.    Sex is like air.  It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

3.    Don't be irreplaceable.  If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

4.    No one is listening..... until you fart.

5.    Always remember you are unique.   Just like everyone else.

6.    Never test the depth of water with both feet.

7.    Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8.    Some days you are the bug.  Some days you are the windshield.

9.    Duct tape is like the Force.  It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

10.  We are born naked, wet and hungry and get slapped on our ass....then things get worse.